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Waiting for Healing

September 24, 2016 By Casey Zaruba

I have two beautiful children. They are both answers to hundreds of prayers. I remember watching mamas put their babies in car seats at the grocery store and wishing so much that one day I would get to do that simple thing. My kids at school would sometimes slip up and call me “Mama.” They would cover their mouth real fast and with a wide grin, say, “I mean, Mrs. Satterfield.” But hearing someone call me “Mama” was a longing that stretched to the depth of my heart. Now, every morning I wake to that sweet calling. That name echoes through the baby monitor that sits on my nightstand.

Their stories, the way my children came home to us, are nothing short of miracles. The very same night we decided to start our adoption journey, a man from our church whom we had never met, gave us a check for 10,000 dollars. This was one of the many miracles that brought them home. I still tear up thinking about how God calmed every one of our fears and supplied all of our needs.He sets the lonely in families and when He does, years of brokenness fade into beauty.

He has answered my prayer to be a mama in the most beautiful story. I love all of the parts. I can’t imagine our family without those two precious ones sleeping upstairs. This what I’m about to tell you isn’t about them. It’s about another prayer that I’ve prayed for years, that God still hasn’t answered.

I’m still waiting for healing.

In some sense, until He makes all things new again, we’ll always be waiting on some type of healing. But I believe that we are living now in His Kingdom. Through Jesus, we have complete access to the Father. And the Father has given us the Spirit to reveal to us His heart.

So I’ve prayed for many years that God would heal me. My body is broken. I was created to carry children, to multiply and fill the earth. And I can’t. I’m reminded at the end of every month. I’m reminded with sharp pains every day and medicine I wish I didn’t have to take. I often see a lot of different doctors just so I can enjoy my babies and have a loving relationship with my husband.

And I’m not going to lie, I’ve got baby fever. When that happens and you can’t have biological children, we don’t just talk about “coming off of the pill.” We talk about how much money we have in savings, because growing our family through adoption isn’t cheap. We talk about home studies and paperwork and agencies and lawyers. It’s not a nine month deal. It’s starting a whole new journey. It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but it’s definitely a labor of love.

But the problem isn’t with having or not having a baby. It’s that I have come to my Father, as His beloved daughter, asking Him to heal me. And He hasn’t. For years, I couldn’t get past this. Instead of leaning in closer to Him, I pushed Him away. I missed out on intimacy with Him that was more satisfying than Him giving me what I wanted. That didn’t stop Him from pursuing me. He kept finding ways to woo my heart back to His. One day, I saw a glimpse of His worth and knew that He was enough for me, whether He answered my prayer or not.

And I have found Him still, to be enough.

But I still find myself,?like the sick lady in the New Testament, frantically making my way through the crowds, desperate just to touch the hem of His robe. And I think it’s because I’ve seen Him perform miracles. I’ve seen first hand just how capable He is of taking ashes and turning them into beauty. That’s what He does. It’s Who He is.

I honestly don’t know if He will decide to heal me. Maybe it’s right here in this waiting, where He will be most glorified. And if that is so, I will wait right here for a hundred more years, leaning into Him, pressing in close to His chest,?and needing Him in my weakness. Because my soul’s deepest desire is for Him to be praised.

But I won’t stop asking. Because He hasn’t told me to stop yet. So I’ll just be here, waiting for healing, believing with every ounce of my being He can and He will.

Do you remember that story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abenego? They wouldn’t bow down to King Nebuchadnezzar because they served the One True King. He was going to throw them in the fiery furnace to be consumed by the flames. And they said,

“O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” Daniel 3:16-18 ESV

He is able.

You might be like me and you’re asking God to heal your womb or you’re waiting for a different physical healing. You might be waiting for Him to heal your baby, I’m doing the same.Or maybe, you’ve prayed for years for your daddy to know Jesus. Maybe your mom is really sick and you’re tired of seeing her suffer. Maybe your marriage is right on the edge of disaster. Maybe you have abuse in your past and healing just seems out of reach.I don’t know what you’re waiting in or how long you’ve been there. But what I want you to know is that He is your Father and He lovingly hears every whisper of your heart. And He is more than able.

But if not.

If He chooses not to deliver us. He is still good and He is so worth jumping into the fire to be consumed. He is enough to satisfy every longing of your heart. Lean in. Don’t push away. I dare you. I dare you to press into Him. You’ll find that spot right against His chest to be everything you ever need.

So come wait with me.

I’ll just be right here. Waiting for healing. Pressing through the crowds, inching my way closer to His heart, believing so much that all I need is to graze against His garment.

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”

Psalm 27:13 ESV

Photos by Rachel Ackerman Photography.

***Also, I stamped myself a bracelet as a beautiful reminder for this very thing. It says “and if not you are still good.” You can check it out here in my Etsy shop if it would be a good reminder to you too, friend.***

 

Originally posted from :http://www.gracewhilewewait.com/www.gracewhilewewait.com/waitingforhealing

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"When my phone lights up with a text from Jenny, I "When my phone lights up with a text from Jenny, I know I'm about to see the sweetest baby face and an update with how things are going. Just today I got a video filled with baby giggles, adoring siblings, and a family who grew from five to six in seven months. Jenny shares today about their adoption and specifically their experience working with Christian Adoption Consultants." -CAC Adoption Consultant Susan⁣
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To continue reading this beautiful adoption story, click on the link in our bio!⁣
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"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light ca "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. ⁣⁣
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Today we celebrate the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. May his words compel us every day to reflect God’s heart of love for all people. Lord, grow us, humble us, change us that all may see one another as image bearers of God.⁣
Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lo Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lori, shares a beautiful poem entitled, "Trees." @shabbysnap 
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𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐬⁣⁣
𝘉𝘺 𝘓𝘰𝘳𝘪 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘤𝘩⁣⁣
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Funny how long they live⁣
Sending branches upward in heaves⁣
Reminding us of how we ought to be⁣
Relying on strength and agility⁣
In storms that swirl and pound and break⁣
Outward limbs, sometimes shake⁣
Seasons show upon their face⁣
Animals take rest in the shade⁣
Breath we take, exhaled for granted ⁣
Fruit they give freely, always enchanted ⁣
Though they watch and keep an eye⁣
On our life, just standing by⁣
Supplies provided, home to dwell⁣
Glory scattered in fall’s carnival⁣
Outlast, but never giving in⁣
Carrying us to the grave again⁣
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"The trees of the Lord are well watered, the cedars of Lebanon that he planted. There the birds make their nests; the stork has its home in the junipers'' (Psalm 104:16-17).⁣⁣
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"Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed. By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place" (Proverbs 3:17-19).⁣⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption⁣⁣
This afternoon we have another adoption story over This afternoon we have another adoption story over on our blog. We pray it will be an encouragement to you wherever you are in your journey! "Did we hear God wrong? It's easy to second guess your adoption plans when you're in the middle of the process; in the trenches of the wait. Sometimes even easy to second guess your faith and your ability to clearly hear God's call. But I've learned that God is always at work, even when we can't see it. Chris and Jen had these questions and decided to give up their plans for growing their family through adoption. And that's exactly the time they received a call about their son. Today Jen shares the questions, and the answers, that led them to their family of two growing to three." - CAC Adoption Consultants Susan @svansyckle ⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
"Expectations. They can kind of make us or break u "Expectations. They can kind of make us or break us, can’t they? As I’ve walked with many people through their adoption journeys, I’ve seen families crushed by unrealistic expectations and I’ve seen families beautifully hope in God as they’ve surrendered their expectations to Him. So what does it look like to have reasonable expectations during your adoption and specifically as you work with an adoption consultant at Christian Adoption Consultants? What does it look like for adoption expectations to 'make you' rather than 'break you?'" -CAC Adoption Consultant Katie F. @katiefenska ⁣
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***Click on the link in our bio to continue reading about adoption expectations***⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
We have another adoption story on the blog this ev We have another adoption story on the blog this evening! "It was an honor to walk with Jamey and Sydnee through their adoption journey. When we first connected I remember Sydnee opening up about their long journey through infertility and loss. She shared her heart and about the journey that led them to this specific place and time. She also shared some of their fears with me about the adoption process, one of them being too old' to be desirable to an expectant mother. As she was talking I remember thinking to myself, 'I'm so glad that God connected my path to these amazing people and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for them.' Their journey through the adoption process wasn't easy, but that same journey, the one with ups and downs, the one with disappointment, the one with waiting, led them to their daughter and I know they wouldn't change a thing about it. Jamey and Sydnee, thank you for allowing me to walk with you through the adoption process. I am beyond amazed at the story God wrote for your family! Today Sydnee shares that story..." -CAC Adoption Consultant Kelly @kellybethtodd⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lo Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lori, shares a poem entitled, “Knowing.” We pray her words would help your heart reflect on this truth: “He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'” (Psalm 46:10)⁣⁣
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𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠⁣⁣
𝘣𝘺 𝘓𝘰𝘳𝘪 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘤𝘩 @shabbysnap⁣⁣
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In the stillness⁣⁣
I hear His voice⁣⁣
In in the quiet⁣⁣
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In the silence⁣⁣
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In the wind⁣⁣
I’m in awe of His power⁣⁣
In my children⁣⁣
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In the mirror⁣⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
We pray you had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy We pray you had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year! We thought there is no better way to start off the year than with an adoption story! ⁣
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"Sometimes when God asks for your 'yes,' he only gives you the very next step. For Seth and Brittany, they took the next right step the entire time, even when they didn’t know exactly where they were headed. Home study, done. Find Christian Adoption Consultants, done. Begin seeing situations…present to expectant families…raise finances for the next phase…⁣
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Every step a new challenge. And every step a new space to trust God with their future and their family. Today I’m so thankful for Brittany who shares the details of their story in such a way to encourage other families who might feel hesitant taking the next step God is calling them to take." -CAC Adoption Consultant Susan⁣ @svansyckle 
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***To continue reading click on the link in our bio***⁣
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