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To The Waiting Woman Who Longs To Be A Mother

May 10, 2020 By Katie Fenska

In my role at Christian Adoption Consultants as I walk with hopeful adoptive parents, one of the things I hope to spread is the importance of listening to all members of the adoption triad: birth mothers, adoptees, and adoptive parents. As Mother’s Day approaches, I’m sharing some letters from members of the triad. As I thought about who I wanted to ask to write a letter to the mamas in waiting, my friend, Kim, immediately came to mind. The Lord has given her a gift for words and she so beautifully shares them below. Thank you, Kim!

To The Waiting Woman Who Longs To Be A Mother

Hello friend,

I rolled out of bed in a bad mood and reluctantly dressed for church. This act of putting on my “Sunday best” was even more unbearable on this ominous day. I scowled aimlessly at the floor and imagined the women who would don matching dresses and the little girls sporting big pink bows. “I’m sure all the little boys were up early picking wildflowers while their fathers made breakfast and let their mommies sleep in”, I muttered mockingly to the empty room. Alone, in my little bathroom, I looked up to put my makeup on – getting the first real glimpse of my angry look and tired eyes. Suddenly, with fierce intensity, my fake bravado melted into body shaking sobs as I realized I was not alone. The God that made me revealed in an instant the deepest recesses of my heart and beckoned me to Him with undeserved patience and grace. As I cried, I could imagine his gentle embrace inviting me to unleash the full weight of disappointment and confusion into his capable hands. I sent up a desperate prayer, “Lord you are the God that weeps with those who mourn. Can you handle my pain? Can you take some of this burden? Can you impart your strength on this day of all days?”

 
I imagine, dear one, that you would prefer to spend this morning hiding beneath your covers in a dark room. Perhaps if you stay there long enough you can pretend this day never came and the longing you feel to be accepted would wait to wash over you another day. The dread and sadness feel palpable and you wonder if you accidentally put that on instead of the dress you pulled from the closet. Running into all of the perfectly coifed women with their darling little bundles would only cause the inevitable barrage of heart questions you work hard to stifle on a moment by moment basis. And you wonder if this is what you are pregnant with. Questions. Heart-wrenching questions. Is there something wrong with me? Did I do something to deserve this? Does God want good things for me? Does He see me?
Will I ever be a Mom?
Love, I have been there. I can walk into that memory as if it’s a panorama that preserved some of my darkest moments. It’s an exhibit I never wanted to visit and I’m deeply sorry that you have been given a ticket to the show. But, I’m happy to sit with you and allow you to cry on my shoulder as you ask the questions that I could never supply a satisfying answer for. Because I learned that this gift of infertility did not give me answers but people. People who tried not to offend, people who tried to understand, people who wept with me in silence, people who bound up the broken places, people who fought beside me in prayer. It was the people God gave me, that led me to understand that my longing to be a mom would only be satisfied in the arms of Jesus. If He wasn’t enough, no child would ever be able to fill that pit.
 
It would be easy to stay home this week – and you can. I get it. But if you can muster the dependence it takes to bravely walk into the world, I believe you’ll find hope lies within the body of believers the Lord is preparing you to encourage. Because while infertility comes at a significant cost, what you buy with your heartache is a gift I would never return. This gift led me to deeper relationship with my husband, a more dependent faith in Christ, an ever-expanding village we call family, and, eventually, six amazing children who grew in my heart. These six jewels in my crown were knit together with providence and foreknowledge. They were on my Savior’s mind as he calmed my sobs and listened empathetically to my burdensome questions. He always saw me. And He sees you too, beloved.
 
So this year, your arms may be empty but I’m praying your heart will be full. If you’re feeling left out try sitting up straight so everyone can see your crown.

                                                            
                                                            His, yours,
                                                                        Kim aka “Mama”

(You can read other writing from CAC mama, Kim, here: Depths of Love, The Cost Of Infertility: 10 Reflections, A Broken Crown.)

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me at katief@christianadoptionconsultants.com
Originally posted on Katie F.’s (CAC Adoption Consultant) blog. 

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Did you know we are one of the largest, oldest, an Did you know we are one of the largest, oldest, and most experienced adoption consulting firms in the world? There are many aspects of our services that set us apart, but today we wanted to touch on our professional and personal experience. Since 2006 we have assisted over 3,300 families with successful adoptions. CAC not only has a collective team of adoptive parents (45 children between the entire team), but also adoption professionals with over 120 years of combined experience. Our staff also includes a licensed and practicing social worker with 20+ years of experience, 2 birth parents, and an adoptee with birth parent and adoptee consultations as part of our services. ⁣
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If you are interested in receiving a FREE adoption packet, click on the link in our bio! ⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption⁣
"When my phone lights up with a text from Jenny, I "When my phone lights up with a text from Jenny, I know I'm about to see the sweetest baby face and an update with how things are going. Just today I got a video filled with baby giggles, adoring siblings, and a family who grew from five to six in seven months. Jenny shares today about their adoption and specifically their experience working with Christian Adoption Consultants." -CAC Adoption Consultant Susan⁣
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To continue reading this beautiful adoption story, click on the link in our bio!⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light ca "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. ⁣⁣
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Today we celebrate the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. May his words compel us every day to reflect God’s heart of love for all people. Lord, grow us, humble us, change us that all may see one another as image bearers of God.⁣
Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lo Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lori, shares a beautiful poem entitled, "Trees." @shabbysnap 
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𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐬⁣⁣
𝘉𝘺 𝘓𝘰𝘳𝘪 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘤𝘩⁣⁣
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Funny how long they live⁣
Sending branches upward in heaves⁣
Reminding us of how we ought to be⁣
Relying on strength and agility⁣
In storms that swirl and pound and break⁣
Outward limbs, sometimes shake⁣
Seasons show upon their face⁣
Animals take rest in the shade⁣
Breath we take, exhaled for granted ⁣
Fruit they give freely, always enchanted ⁣
Though they watch and keep an eye⁣
On our life, just standing by⁣
Supplies provided, home to dwell⁣
Glory scattered in fall’s carnival⁣
Outlast, but never giving in⁣
Carrying us to the grave again⁣
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"The trees of the Lord are well watered, the cedars of Lebanon that he planted. There the birds make their nests; the stork has its home in the junipers'' (Psalm 104:16-17).⁣⁣
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"Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed. By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place" (Proverbs 3:17-19).⁣⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption⁣⁣
This afternoon we have another adoption story over This afternoon we have another adoption story over on our blog. We pray it will be an encouragement to you wherever you are in your journey! "Did we hear God wrong? It's easy to second guess your adoption plans when you're in the middle of the process; in the trenches of the wait. Sometimes even easy to second guess your faith and your ability to clearly hear God's call. But I've learned that God is always at work, even when we can't see it. Chris and Jen had these questions and decided to give up their plans for growing their family through adoption. And that's exactly the time they received a call about their son. Today Jen shares the questions, and the answers, that led them to their family of two growing to three." - CAC Adoption Consultants Susan @svansyckle ⁣
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*To continue reading click on the link in our bio*⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
"Expectations. They can kind of make us or break u "Expectations. They can kind of make us or break us, can’t they? As I’ve walked with many people through their adoption journeys, I’ve seen families crushed by unrealistic expectations and I’ve seen families beautifully hope in God as they’ve surrendered their expectations to Him. So what does it look like to have reasonable expectations during your adoption and specifically as you work with an adoption consultant at Christian Adoption Consultants? What does it look like for adoption expectations to 'make you' rather than 'break you?'" -CAC Adoption Consultant Katie F. @katiefenska ⁣
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***Click on the link in our bio to continue reading about adoption expectations***⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
We have another adoption story on the blog this ev We have another adoption story on the blog this evening! "It was an honor to walk with Jamey and Sydnee through their adoption journey. When we first connected I remember Sydnee opening up about their long journey through infertility and loss. She shared her heart and about the journey that led them to this specific place and time. She also shared some of their fears with me about the adoption process, one of them being too old' to be desirable to an expectant mother. As she was talking I remember thinking to myself, 'I'm so glad that God connected my path to these amazing people and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for them.' Their journey through the adoption process wasn't easy, but that same journey, the one with ups and downs, the one with disappointment, the one with waiting, led them to their daughter and I know they wouldn't change a thing about it. Jamey and Sydnee, thank you for allowing me to walk with you through the adoption process. I am beyond amazed at the story God wrote for your family! Today Sydnee shares that story..." -CAC Adoption Consultant Kelly @kellybethtodd⁣
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***Click on the link in our bio to continue reading***⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lo Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lori, shares a poem entitled, “Knowing.” We pray her words would help your heart reflect on this truth: “He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'” (Psalm 46:10)⁣⁣
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𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠⁣⁣
𝘣𝘺 𝘓𝘰𝘳𝘪 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘤𝘩 @shabbysnap⁣⁣
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In the stillness⁣⁣
I hear His voice⁣⁣
In in the quiet⁣⁣
I feel His comfort⁣⁣
In the silence⁣⁣
I sense His presence⁣⁣
In the wind⁣⁣
I’m in awe of His power⁣⁣
In my children⁣⁣
I’m amazed with His face⁣⁣
In the mirror⁣⁣
I’m humbled by His grace⁣⁣
In the hum of silence⁣⁣
I know Him⁣⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
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