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Surrender In The Adoption Process

September 10, 2020 By Kelly Todd

Control. Let’s talk about that word for a minute. Control is defined as, “the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.” When my husband and I were in the beginning stages of the adoption process we were busy filling out paperwork, setting up appointments for our home study, working on our profile, filling out adoption grant applications, fundraising, etc. There was so much we were doing early on at some point I developed what I would call a “false sense of control” over the adoption process.

This “false sense of control” wasn’t completely unfamiliar territory. When we were in the beginning stages of trying to grow our family biologically there were times I felt like if I did everything perfectly, ate all the right things, took all the right supplements, worked out, tracked my days, prayed the right prayer, that we would overcome my infertility. But no positive pregnancy test ever came. “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with us? Why isn’t this happening, God?” My sorrow led me to some very dark weeks, months and years.

I don’t remember the day it happened, but one day God healed my heart. He didn’t heal my heart with a positive pregnancy test, but rather He created in me a heart of trust and surrender to His plans for our family. That didn’t mean all the tears were gone or that we “finished” grieving the reality of my infertility, but it provided great comfort to know that the Lord was with us. He was with us. He had a plan. He hadn’t forgotten about us just because growing our family was starting to look different than how we initially pictured it. I would describe myself as having clenched fists through most of our infertility journey. But when the Holy Spirit gave me the strength to release my expectations to the Lord, peace came. I traded in my clenched fists with open hands and I placed my desires at the feet of the cross.

I will have to admit that I can be stubborn and had a bit “relearning” of this to do when we started the adoption process. When things weren’t working out quite like I expected they would, when we were met with disappointment, when we had no idea if the adoption grants would come through or how we would fund our adoption, I was tempted to sink back into old habits. And I did for a little bit. But I was quickly reminded of how uncomfortable that false sense of control really is. I’m so grateful that I didn’t sit in that space for too long and that the Lord quickly reminded me of the better option-surrendering my desires to the Lord. Over the past decade I have learned that surrendering our wants, desires, and expectations, isn’t a one and done thing. As a Christian it’s a continual process. And through Jesus’ blood shed on the cross we have access to the help of the Holy Spirit  to help us do just that.

Sometimes we hold on to things too tightly because we mistakenly assume that if we let go everything will fall apart. We are afraid we will miss out on the thing we are holding onto. I think that’s putting a little too much confidence in ourselves, don’t you? We aren’t in control of the cosmos. The Lord is. There is something freeing about letting go. We aren’t letting go to nothingness. We are letting go because we trust the One who upholds the Universe with the palm of His hands. We are letting go because His ways are so much better than ours. We are letting go because we know that our God is a loving Father who tenderly cares for His children. We are letting go so that we can experience freedom from striving and enter the rest Jesus talks about in Matthew 11.

Perhaps you are walking through a difficult trial right now. Perhaps things aren’t working out like you expected they would. Maybe you are walking through the adoption process and feel overwhelmed by the “false sense of control“ that you have taken on. It doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to feel overwhelmed by the weight of it all. I encourage you to ask the Lord for help. Ask Him to help you surrender your desires and expectations at the foot of the cross because His plans for you are so much better than the ones you have for yourself.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

 

Originally posted on Kelly’s (CAC Adoption Consultant) blog. 

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Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lo Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lori, shares a beautiful poem entitled, "Trees." @shabbysnap 
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𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐬⁣⁣
𝘉𝘺 𝘓𝘰𝘳𝘪 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘤𝘩⁣⁣
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Funny how long they live⁣
Sending branches upward in heaves⁣
Reminding us of how we ought to be⁣
Relying on strength and agility⁣
In storms that swirl and pound and break⁣
Outward limbs, sometimes shake⁣
Seasons show upon their face⁣
Animals take rest in the shade⁣
Breath we take, exhaled for granted ⁣
Fruit they give freely, always enchanted ⁣
Though they watch and keep an eye⁣
On our life, just standing by⁣
Supplies provided, home to dwell⁣
Glory scattered in fall’s carnival⁣
Outlast, but never giving in⁣
Carrying us to the grave again⁣
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"The trees of the Lord are well watered, the cedars of Lebanon that he planted. There the birds make their nests; the stork has its home in the junipers'' (Psalm 104:16-17).⁣⁣
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"Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed. By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place" (Proverbs 3:17-19).⁣⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption⁣⁣
This afternoon we have another adoption story over This afternoon we have another adoption story over on our blog. We pray it will be an encouragement to you wherever you are in your journey! "Did we hear God wrong? It's easy to second guess your adoption plans when you're in the middle of the process; in the trenches of the wait. Sometimes even easy to second guess your faith and your ability to clearly hear God's call. But I've learned that God is always at work, even when we can't see it. Chris and Jen had these questions and decided to give up their plans for growing their family through adoption. And that's exactly the time they received a call about their son. Today Jen shares the questions, and the answers, that led them to their family of two growing to three." - CAC Adoption Consultants Susan @svansyckle ⁣
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*To continue reading click on the link in our bio*⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
"Expectations. They can kind of make us or break u "Expectations. They can kind of make us or break us, can’t they? As I’ve walked with many people through their adoption journeys, I’ve seen families crushed by unrealistic expectations and I’ve seen families beautifully hope in God as they’ve surrendered their expectations to Him. So what does it look like to have reasonable expectations during your adoption and specifically as you work with an adoption consultant at Christian Adoption Consultants? What does it look like for adoption expectations to 'make you' rather than 'break you?'" -CAC Adoption Consultant Katie F. @katiefenska ⁣
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***Click on the link in our bio to continue reading about adoption expectations***⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
We have another adoption story on the blog this ev We have another adoption story on the blog this evening! "It was an honor to walk with Jamey and Sydnee through their adoption journey. When we first connected I remember Sydnee opening up about their long journey through infertility and loss. She shared her heart and about the journey that led them to this specific place and time. She also shared some of their fears with me about the adoption process, one of them being too old' to be desirable to an expectant mother. As she was talking I remember thinking to myself, 'I'm so glad that God connected my path to these amazing people and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for them.' Their journey through the adoption process wasn't easy, but that same journey, the one with ups and downs, the one with disappointment, the one with waiting, led them to their daughter and I know they wouldn't change a thing about it. Jamey and Sydnee, thank you for allowing me to walk with you through the adoption process. I am beyond amazed at the story God wrote for your family! Today Sydnee shares that story..." -CAC Adoption Consultant Kelly @kellybethtodd⁣
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***Click on the link in our bio to continue reading***⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lo Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lori, shares a poem entitled, “Knowing.” We pray her words would help your heart reflect on this truth: “He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'” (Psalm 46:10)⁣⁣
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𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠⁣⁣
𝘣𝘺 𝘓𝘰𝘳𝘪 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘤𝘩 @shabbysnap⁣⁣
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In the stillness⁣⁣
I hear His voice⁣⁣
In in the quiet⁣⁣
I feel His comfort⁣⁣
In the silence⁣⁣
I sense His presence⁣⁣
In the wind⁣⁣
I’m in awe of His power⁣⁣
In my children⁣⁣
I’m amazed with His face⁣⁣
In the mirror⁣⁣
I’m humbled by His grace⁣⁣
In the hum of silence⁣⁣
I know Him⁣⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
We pray you had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy We pray you had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year! We thought there is no better way to start off the year than with an adoption story! ⁣
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"Sometimes when God asks for your 'yes,' he only gives you the very next step. For Seth and Brittany, they took the next right step the entire time, even when they didn’t know exactly where they were headed. Home study, done. Find Christian Adoption Consultants, done. Begin seeing situations…present to expectant families…raise finances for the next phase…⁣
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Every step a new challenge. And every step a new space to trust God with their future and their family. Today I’m so thankful for Brittany who shares the details of their story in such a way to encourage other families who might feel hesitant taking the next step God is calling them to take." -CAC Adoption Consultant Susan⁣ @svansyckle 
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***To continue reading click on the link in our bio***⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
Our team is so grateful for each and every one of Our team is so grateful for each and every one of our CAC families! We pray that wherever you are and whoever you're with, you would remember there is always a reason to celebrate on Christmas, regardless of how your situation may look. "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" (Isaiah 9:6). As you reflect upon our Savior's birth this Christmas, it's our hope and prayer that the Wonderful Counselor would comfort you with His peace. From the team at CAC, we would like to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! 

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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
We have another adoption story on the blog this ev We have another adoption story on the blog this evening! "When a young couple talks about the idea of adoption while they're still dating, they don't know yet how God will use those stirrings to someday add a little one to their family. Today Chris shares from a father's heart the story of the adoption of their son." -CAC Adoption Consultant Susan @svansyckle⁣
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***To continue reading click on the link in our bio or swipe up in our stories***⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
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