Don’t assume your updates are not being read (or never will be). It can be common for birth parents not to respond to every update or take a step back for a season and not access them.
Don’t assume your reaching out isn’t appreciated or valued. It would be ideal if you heard a response every time to sent an update. But just because you didn’t hear back, it doesn’t mean that the birth family isn’t cherishing the updates and pictures.
Don’t assume your updates are causing pain. Although receiving news about their child can be hard, it’s also an amazing opportunity to offer reassurance that they are incredibly loved and doing well.
Don’t assume your relationship will always look like this.?Every person goes through seasons in their life, as well as every relationship. Relationships can grow over time, especially as people mature and are able to work through their grief and loss in their own time.
It’s always good to establish more than one way the birth family can reach you (and vice versa if possible). That way, if one is lost or unable to be accessed, there’s always a back up.
Try to establish one form of communication that a birth family can access on their own time frame(such as a private Instagram account set up just for your adoption). This allows them to see pictures and updates on their own terms. If they’re having a rough day, they can put it aside. But if they are eager to see how their little one is doing, they can pore over pictures as much as they want.
Be sure to include pictures of the whole family. Adoptive parents often wonder if they should only include pictures of the child. Adding pictures with parent and siblings gives a fuller picture of your family and how loved and cherished the child is. A good rule of thumb is about 70/30 (70% pictures of the child alone and 30% with family members or friends).
Occasionally ask if the openness relationship is still working. Feel free to ask if the mode of communication is still working and if they would like more or less communication. Be sensitive to their needs while also balancing healthy boundaries for everyone involved. Remember that healthy openness is a two-way street where mutuality is encouraged.