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Guest Post: Adoption Isn’t A Way To Get Pregnant

December 10, 2020 By Kelly Todd

This evening I would like to share a post from Jenn Hesse.  She is a writer, wife, and mother through adoption and pregnancy. Jenn is the content director at a national infertility support ministry called Waiting in Hope, and has a passion for equipping others to know Christ through His Word. She writes at jennhesse.com and other Christian publications. Jenn and I connected through social media and I have been so encouraged by her heart for helping others through the infertility ministry and other avenues. She is an excellent communicator, writer, and I know you will be encouraged by what she has to share with you this evening. 


Jenn writes:

The moment the nurse placed him in my arms, I knew we belonged to each other. All the tears and frustrations of the past several years pooled into a fountain of joy. Now I understood why God has us wait for a baby: So we could have this baby.

After my husband and I struggled with infertility, the Lord blew us away with His kindness and matched us with a loving birthmother. Through her brave choice, He gave us a son.

People were happy for us. They threw us showers, brought meals, and eagerly cuddled our son. Yet amid the celebration, we heard comments hinting at something better to come. A wink here, a nudged elbow there, the crack of a smile implying special intuition. I cringed every time someone uttered the words:

“Now that you’ve adopted, you’ll get pregnant. It happens all the time.”

No. No, it doesn’t happen all the time. Research on pregnancy after infertility doesn’t account for couples who adopt before getting pregnant. From a scientific standpoint, this idea is a myth.

People who say this mean well. They’re trying to give you hope that your longing for a biological child will be fulfilled. What they don’t understand is that this myth devalues adoptees. It regards the process of adoption as inferior to biological procreation, and an adopted child as less desirable than a biological child.

Regardless of good intentions, statements like “Just adopt, then you’ll get pregnant” hurt people. They question couples’ family-building decisions, treat children as a means to an end, and reject the core Christian belief that God created all human beings in His image (Genesis 1:27).

Every life matters to God. He calls us as His image bearers to respect and preserve the dignity of every single person. No matter how a child is brought into a family, he or she is worthy of value to the Lord and to the world.

God grows families through both pregnancy and adoption. The varied makeup of the earthly families he builds reflects the diversity of our spiritual family. We come from different backgrounds, far-flung places, and widely ranging walks of life, all broken and in need of rescue. By sending Christ to die in our place and raise to new life, God gave us the right to be called His adopted children. As He welcomed us into His family, so we can embrace and appreciate the mosaic of families he forms in the world.

Through earthly adoption, God does more than unite parents with children. He provides a path to redeem some of the damage the Fall inflicted on childbearing and family unity. He takes crises like infertility, unexpected pregnancy, and children who are orphaned or otherwise at risk and transforms them into opportunities for restoration.

As with any earthly process, adoption isn’t perfect. It can’t completely “fix” these problems. Yet the creation of a family born of loss renders hope for a broken world groaning to be made anew (Romans 8:19). Like with our spiritual adoption, we need earthly adoption to claim the family wholeness we crave.

Viewing adoption as secondary to biological procreation diminishes a beautiful process whereby God works redemption. Rather than a lesser means to a better end, adoption is a resolution, a responsibility, a calling, and a gift. It’s an end unto itself and should be appreciated as a providential plan. John Piper describes the intrinsic worth of both ways God designs a family:

“In our lives, there is something uniquely precious about having children by birth. That is a good plan. There is also something different, but also uniquely precious, about adopting children. Each has its own uniqueness. Your choice to adopt children may be sequentially second. But it does not have to be secondary. It can be as precious and significant as having children by birth.”

Although it’s rare, some couples do get pregnant after adopting. It happened to us. I have no explanation for it, other than to say God worked another miracle after the first miracle of bringing our oldest son through adoption. We’re grateful for how he formed our family using different paths at different times.

Wherever you’re at on the path of adoption, be prepared to encounter the myth that adoption leads to pregnancy. Even if infertility isn’t part of your story, you’ll hear it tossed around as a platitude or joke.

While it’s frustrating to be told such a harmful cliché, try to approach the situation as an opportunity to educate others. Tell them that a child who is adopted isn’t a consolation prize for parents who couldn’t conceive. Give them a clearer picture of adoption, acknowledging the risks and flaws while also highlighting the value and beauty of this path.

Ask the Lord to give you boldness and gentleness to correct the myth. Help others see the glorious ways God chooses to grow a family, that they might glorify your Father in heaven.

 

Originally posted on Kelly’s (CAC Adoption Consultant) blog. 

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"When my phone lights up with a text from Jenny, I "When my phone lights up with a text from Jenny, I know I'm about to see the sweetest baby face and an update with how things are going. Just today I got a video filled with baby giggles, adoring siblings, and a family who grew from five to six in seven months. Jenny shares today about their adoption and specifically their experience working with Christian Adoption Consultants." -CAC Adoption Consultant Susan⁣
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To continue reading this beautiful adoption story, click on the link in our bio!⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light ca "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. ⁣⁣
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Today we celebrate the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. May his words compel us every day to reflect God’s heart of love for all people. Lord, grow us, humble us, change us that all may see one another as image bearers of God.⁣
Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lo Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lori, shares a beautiful poem entitled, "Trees." @shabbysnap 
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𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐬⁣⁣
𝘉𝘺 𝘓𝘰𝘳𝘪 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘤𝘩⁣⁣
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Funny how long they live⁣
Sending branches upward in heaves⁣
Reminding us of how we ought to be⁣
Relying on strength and agility⁣
In storms that swirl and pound and break⁣
Outward limbs, sometimes shake⁣
Seasons show upon their face⁣
Animals take rest in the shade⁣
Breath we take, exhaled for granted ⁣
Fruit they give freely, always enchanted ⁣
Though they watch and keep an eye⁣
On our life, just standing by⁣
Supplies provided, home to dwell⁣
Glory scattered in fall’s carnival⁣
Outlast, but never giving in⁣
Carrying us to the grave again⁣
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"The trees of the Lord are well watered, the cedars of Lebanon that he planted. There the birds make their nests; the stork has its home in the junipers'' (Psalm 104:16-17).⁣⁣
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"Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed. By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place" (Proverbs 3:17-19).⁣⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption⁣⁣
This afternoon we have another adoption story over This afternoon we have another adoption story over on our blog. We pray it will be an encouragement to you wherever you are in your journey! "Did we hear God wrong? It's easy to second guess your adoption plans when you're in the middle of the process; in the trenches of the wait. Sometimes even easy to second guess your faith and your ability to clearly hear God's call. But I've learned that God is always at work, even when we can't see it. Chris and Jen had these questions and decided to give up their plans for growing their family through adoption. And that's exactly the time they received a call about their son. Today Jen shares the questions, and the answers, that led them to their family of two growing to three." - CAC Adoption Consultants Susan @svansyckle ⁣
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*To continue reading click on the link in our bio*⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
"Expectations. They can kind of make us or break u "Expectations. They can kind of make us or break us, can’t they? As I’ve walked with many people through their adoption journeys, I’ve seen families crushed by unrealistic expectations and I’ve seen families beautifully hope in God as they’ve surrendered their expectations to Him. So what does it look like to have reasonable expectations during your adoption and specifically as you work with an adoption consultant at Christian Adoption Consultants? What does it look like for adoption expectations to 'make you' rather than 'break you?'" -CAC Adoption Consultant Katie F. @katiefenska ⁣
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***Click on the link in our bio to continue reading about adoption expectations***⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
We have another adoption story on the blog this ev We have another adoption story on the blog this evening! "It was an honor to walk with Jamey and Sydnee through their adoption journey. When we first connected I remember Sydnee opening up about their long journey through infertility and loss. She shared her heart and about the journey that led them to this specific place and time. She also shared some of their fears with me about the adoption process, one of them being too old' to be desirable to an expectant mother. As she was talking I remember thinking to myself, 'I'm so glad that God connected my path to these amazing people and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for them.' Their journey through the adoption process wasn't easy, but that same journey, the one with ups and downs, the one with disappointment, the one with waiting, led them to their daughter and I know they wouldn't change a thing about it. Jamey and Sydnee, thank you for allowing me to walk with you through the adoption process. I am beyond amazed at the story God wrote for your family! Today Sydnee shares that story..." -CAC Adoption Consultant Kelly @kellybethtodd⁣
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***Click on the link in our bio to continue reading***⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lo Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lori, shares a poem entitled, “Knowing.” We pray her words would help your heart reflect on this truth: “He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'” (Psalm 46:10)⁣⁣
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𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠⁣⁣
𝘣𝘺 𝘓𝘰𝘳𝘪 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘤𝘩 @shabbysnap⁣⁣
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In the stillness⁣⁣
I hear His voice⁣⁣
In in the quiet⁣⁣
I feel His comfort⁣⁣
In the silence⁣⁣
I sense His presence⁣⁣
In the wind⁣⁣
I’m in awe of His power⁣⁣
In my children⁣⁣
I’m amazed with His face⁣⁣
In the mirror⁣⁣
I’m humbled by His grace⁣⁣
In the hum of silence⁣⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
We pray you had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy We pray you had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year! We thought there is no better way to start off the year than with an adoption story! ⁣
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"Sometimes when God asks for your 'yes,' he only gives you the very next step. For Seth and Brittany, they took the next right step the entire time, even when they didn’t know exactly where they were headed. Home study, done. Find Christian Adoption Consultants, done. Begin seeing situations…present to expectant families…raise finances for the next phase…⁣
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Every step a new challenge. And every step a new space to trust God with their future and their family. Today I’m so thankful for Brittany who shares the details of their story in such a way to encourage other families who might feel hesitant taking the next step God is calling them to take." -CAC Adoption Consultant Susan⁣ @svansyckle 
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***To continue reading click on the link in our bio***⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
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