God’s Silence: An Adoptee Perspective

Have you ever felt that, no matter how much you pray or ask, God doesn’t seem to answer? Let’s be honest; these seasons are confusing and often frustrating. When God is silent, it can be challenging to know what to do. After all, doesn’t God’s word say

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit…?”  (Psalm 34:18)

It can sound cliche and hollow to read me say that God is near in our suffering, even when he is silent. But I want you to lean into that statement, especially when disappointment occurs in the adoption process. 

God’s Silence is Absolutely not His Absence

A famous phrase and a difficult concept.

When navigating a process that requires waiting, like adoption, the experience of God’s silence can feel brutal. Isn’t this what He wants? Doesn’t He want to see my family grow? Doesn’t He want me to be a father or mother? Disappointment can manifest in so many ways. Sometimes, waiting and long-suffering seem synonymous.

It can be hard to know how to turn to God for guidance, and it can be even harder to understand His silence. 

As a transracial adoptee, my early development was filled with disappointments–mainly through broken attachments. Of course, the enemy was aware, and he’s been at this for a while. Over time, my desire and ability to attach were significantly tempered by disappointment, but God used that hole in my heart to create an opening and opportunity to be flooded by His presence. Many times, the enemy uses disappointment as a way to hijack joy and undermine hope. In my circumstances, that did not stop God from delivering in incredible ways that I couldn’t have accounted for through the wait.

The Word of God Contains Countless Testimonies of Faithfulness

Stripped of everything that gave them purpose, Exodus 2:23-25 states that after Joseph had passed and the king of Egypt at the time of Joseph had died, the people of Israel had cried out to God for rescue for suffering. Verses 24 and 25 conclude that “…God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. God saw the people of Israel—and God knew.

He heard, He saw, and He Knew. He was always present, and through the course of human history, through joy and lamentation, His plan was triumphant and unfolded in a way that no one — not even the enemy couldn’t have accounted for.

God’s Presence 

 God’s presence can be difficult  to identify, especially when it seems He is being silent. However, God is always present and active in our lives, even when He is silent. 

In fact, God can be so incredibly present that we often mistake the fundamental conditions that give us life, like breathing air, blinking our eyes, digesting food, and yes, even our most critical involuntary functions like our heart beating as a given. When we zoom in, we often see God’s work as mysterious. But we zoom out. His work is profoundly purposeful, and we can trust his plan.

Hope in the Promises of God

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear … for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Wherever you are in the adoption process, whatever disappointments you’ve encountered, hold fast and trust in the promises of God. Do not let disappointment or long-suffering distract you from His ability to overcome, and remember that amid our suffering, He hears, He sees, and He knows.