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Fertile and adopting

September 23, 2016 By Amy Young

Some nights before bed, I find myself sitting in a rocker in Cate’s nursery, staring down at this beautiful girl in my arms, the embodiment of a desire my heart has had for as long as I can remember. When I was growing up, my home was always filled with people, related both biologically and by circumstance. Since I was a toddler, people had moved in and out of our home through foster care and through less formal living arrangements.

When I was a senior in college, my best friend found out that she was pregnant. She decided to pursue an adoption plan, and together we pored over parent profiles as she searched for people to raise her child. Months later I found myself in the delivery room with my friend and her chosen adoptive mom. I watched as she handed over her beautiful baby to an amazing family. Two years later, while pursuing a master’s degree in family communication, I decided to conduct my thesis project on the stories parents tell their children about coming to their family through adoption. It seemed only natural. I was enthralled with each story I heard in my project, and I found myself emotionally connected to the adoptive parents who told them. Something inside of me said, “I was meant to do this, too!” My husband, Jason, and I began to discuss the possibility of adoption as a way to grow our family. We were in our early 20s, and not yet ready to parent, but I knew that adoption was a road I wanted to take eventually.

New Family Directions

Slowly, this dream of mine took root. One day Jason told me that he, too, would be interested in adopting. Soon after, we found that our plan of waiting 10 years to start a family had been changed…I was pregnant with our son, Max. When Max was a year old, we began discussing adoption again, and started the process soon after. In a flurry of home studies, paper chases, notaries, and emotional fatigue, we pursued an international adoption before deciding to adopt in the U.S. The questions changed from “Boy or girl?” to “What ethnicities would you accept?” and “How much openness would you feel comfortable with?” Though we secretly hoped for a girl, we declined to request an ethnic or gender makeup. Two months later, we were matched with a birth mom.

“You’re going to have a baby!” our agency called to tell us, and we quickly asked for information about the couple who had chosen our family. They were a few years older than we were, and they already had a daughter. And so began our adoption story, one that was anything but typical.

“Oh…is Max adopted also?” people would ask when they heard we were adopting. “No? Then why are you adopting this time?”

“You mean the birth mom [or, to quote precisely, “real mom”] isn’t a teenager? And she’s married? Then why is she giving this baby away?”

People seemed shocked to hear that a young couple, able to bear children, chose to adopt a baby girl born to a birth mom years older than we, married to her husband, the father of our child. I knew from our first conversation with our birth mom that she would not take the baby home from the hospital. She had already gone through sleepless nights and diapers with her daughter. In many ways, she viewed herself as a surrogate. When I went with her to the ultrasound appointment (where we found out that my wish for a daughter would become a reality), she immediately told the technician, “This is her baby.” I was with her when she informed her daughter, “Did you know that Erin is going to have a baby, and that baby is in Mommy’s tummy?”

Family Ties

I used to worry about the relationship we would have with the birth parents of our child. Would we want to know them? Would they want to know us? Would we want to continue a relationship with them after the baby was born? All of my questions vanished when we met them. My husband and I began to wonder if things were too “perfect” with our birth parents. As I learned more about our birth mom, I realized that she is one of those people who understand the realities of life. We didn’t talk about her decision beyond the fact that she didn’t feel it would be responsible to raise any more children. The fact that she made a plan is one of the things I respect most about her.

I look forward to the day I can tell Cate how strong and determined, how realistic and levelheaded her birth mother is. I also look forward to telling her about her compassionate and caring birth father. I am lucky to know these details firsthand. When Cate smiles her toothless grin, I see her birth mom. It reminds me of the loving choice she made for Cate, and how lucky I am that she chose me to be Cate’s mom.

When people ask me how I can sustain a relationship with someone who “gave away her baby,” I smile and try to think of a tactful way to educate their ignorance. Once our birth mom realized she was pregnant, she weighed her options and chose the harder route. I really enjoy talking with Cate’s birth mom on the phone. Our conversations touch on Cate, but we talk mostly about what is going on in our lives and with our families. I don’t know what our relationship will look like in a year, or five years, but I know that the more open our relationship is, the better the chances that our little girl will know about her history and feel more confident about her place in our family.

Erin Krusiewicz lives with her husband and two children in Southern California.

  • Original post found here:http://www.parents.com/parenting/adoption/stories/adoption-story-from-a-young-and-fertile-couple/

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"I’m so excited to share Matt and Laura’s adop "I’m so excited to share Matt and Laura’s adoption story with you today! I was introduced to this precious couple by one of my other sweet CAC families. When their home study and profile were done, they were ready to start presenting to situations. My heart ached every single time I had to send them an email that said, 'I’m so sorry. The expectant mother has decided to move forward with another family.' I knew their story. I knew their heart. I knew everything that they had been through and it broke my heart to deliver this news each time. But they never gave up. They continued pressing forward through their fears, doubts, questions- and a pandemic! Their story has been an inspiration to me and I know many others. Today, they share the story that led them to their baby boy." - CAC Adoption Consultant Kelly @kellybethtodd⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
Did you know we are one of the largest, oldest, an Did you know we are one of the largest, oldest, and most experienced adoption consulting firms in the world? There are many aspects of our services that set us apart, but today we wanted to touch on our professional and personal experience. Since 2006 we have assisted over 3,300 families with successful adoptions. CAC not only has a collective team of adoptive parents (45 children between the entire team), but also adoption professionals with over 120 years of combined experience. Our staff also includes a licensed and practicing social worker with 20+ years of experience, 2 birth parents, and an adoptee with birth parent and adoptee consultations as part of our services. ⁣
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If you are interested in receiving a FREE adoption packet, click on the link in our bio! ⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption⁣
"When my phone lights up with a text from Jenny, I "When my phone lights up with a text from Jenny, I know I'm about to see the sweetest baby face and an update with how things are going. Just today I got a video filled with baby giggles, adoring siblings, and a family who grew from five to six in seven months. Jenny shares today about their adoption and specifically their experience working with Christian Adoption Consultants." -CAC Adoption Consultant Susan⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light ca "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. ⁣⁣
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Today we celebrate the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. May his words compel us every day to reflect God’s heart of love for all people. Lord, grow us, humble us, change us that all may see one another as image bearers of God.⁣
Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lo Tonight CAC Adoption Advocate and Birth Mother, Lori, shares a beautiful poem entitled, "Trees." @shabbysnap 
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𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐬⁣⁣
𝘉𝘺 𝘓𝘰𝘳𝘪 𝘋𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘤𝘩⁣⁣
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Funny how long they live⁣
Sending branches upward in heaves⁣
Reminding us of how we ought to be⁣
Relying on strength and agility⁣
In storms that swirl and pound and break⁣
Outward limbs, sometimes shake⁣
Seasons show upon their face⁣
Animals take rest in the shade⁣
Breath we take, exhaled for granted ⁣
Fruit they give freely, always enchanted ⁣
Though they watch and keep an eye⁣
On our life, just standing by⁣
Supplies provided, home to dwell⁣
Glory scattered in fall’s carnival⁣
Outlast, but never giving in⁣
Carrying us to the grave again⁣
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"The trees of the Lord are well watered, the cedars of Lebanon that he planted. There the birds make their nests; the stork has its home in the junipers'' (Psalm 104:16-17).⁣⁣
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"Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed. By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place" (Proverbs 3:17-19).⁣⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption⁣⁣
This afternoon we have another adoption story over This afternoon we have another adoption story over on our blog. We pray it will be an encouragement to you wherever you are in your journey! "Did we hear God wrong? It's easy to second guess your adoption plans when you're in the middle of the process; in the trenches of the wait. Sometimes even easy to second guess your faith and your ability to clearly hear God's call. But I've learned that God is always at work, even when we can't see it. Chris and Jen had these questions and decided to give up their plans for growing their family through adoption. And that's exactly the time they received a call about their son. Today Jen shares the questions, and the answers, that led them to their family of two growing to three." - CAC Adoption Consultants Susan @svansyckle ⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
"Expectations. They can kind of make us or break u "Expectations. They can kind of make us or break us, can’t they? As I’ve walked with many people through their adoption journeys, I’ve seen families crushed by unrealistic expectations and I’ve seen families beautifully hope in God as they’ve surrendered their expectations to Him. So what does it look like to have reasonable expectations during your adoption and specifically as you work with an adoption consultant at Christian Adoption Consultants? What does it look like for adoption expectations to 'make you' rather than 'break you?'" -CAC Adoption Consultant Katie F. @katiefenska ⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
We have another adoption story on the blog this ev We have another adoption story on the blog this evening! "It was an honor to walk with Jamey and Sydnee through their adoption journey. When we first connected I remember Sydnee opening up about their long journey through infertility and loss. She shared her heart and about the journey that led them to this specific place and time. She also shared some of their fears with me about the adoption process, one of them being too old' to be desirable to an expectant mother. As she was talking I remember thinking to myself, 'I'm so glad that God connected my path to these amazing people and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for them.' Their journey through the adoption process wasn't easy, but that same journey, the one with ups and downs, the one with disappointment, the one with waiting, led them to their daughter and I know they wouldn't change a thing about it. Jamey and Sydnee, thank you for allowing me to walk with you through the adoption process. I am beyond amazed at the story God wrote for your family! Today Sydnee shares that story..." -CAC Adoption Consultant Kelly @kellybethtodd⁣
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#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
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