FAQ: Adoptee Perspective

Senior Adoption Consultant Jonnilyn tackles a few frequently asked questions that she receives as an adoptee.

I’m fearful that my child won’t bond or attach to me as an adoptive parent. Is that the case with all adoptees?

Each perspective and experience of an adoptee are very unique. I’ve found that all individual stories are impactful in a different way. My personal experience with adoption has been incredibly positive. The bond and attachment with my adoptive parents has been natural from the very beginning. We have maintained an extremely close relationship throughout my life and I would consider the love we share to be no different than if they were my biological parents.

Bonding and connecting happen instantaneously for some, while for others it can take some time. Even with newborns coming straight home from the hospital into a loving and caring home, there can be a struggle for that child to develop the emotional connection naturally. Nurturing and loving your child will help provide them with a solid foundation. If your child appears to be having trouble bonding or attaching to you, there is help available. Don’t be afraid to seek out further resources for help from an adoption professional.

As you guide and support your child, it’s important to remain committed to building your connection and bond – even as the years go by and additional questions and curiosities arise regarding your child’s adoption story. 

 

Will my child eventually desire a relationship with their birth family? 

While there are lots of adoptees that desire a relationship with their birth family, that’s not always the case. Let me assure you that the curiosity your child may have to deepen their understanding of their adoption story is healthy. The depth of that curiosity can, however, come in all different shapes and sizes. I’ve personally known several adoptees, young and old. While some have a restored and connected relationship with their birth families, others have felt overwhelmed at the emotions that came with the thought of pursuing a relationship at all. 

The most important thing to keep in mind is that there’s no “one-size-fits-all” adoptee. Each child is built with a different emotional capacity and each may have a different approach to walking out their experience as an adoptee. Loving them, validating their emotions, and staying as open as possible with them is what will mean the most.