Domestic Adoption Myths

As an adoptive momma and adoption consultant, I spend a lot of time dispelling the myths of domestic adoption. Many people have received their adoption education from Lifetime movies or hearsay from a friend of a friend’s cousin. Today I’m going to spend some time talking about some of the common myths I hear.

The birth parents can change their mind at any time and take the baby away.

No, it’s not like the movies. There are three important events that take place during an adoption:

1. The first is when the birth parents sign consent. Consent refers to the agreement by the birth parents to relinquish all legal rights and duties of the child. State laws vary as to when consent can be signed. But, on average consent can be signed immediately after birth to 72 hours after birth.
2. The second important event is revocation. This refers to the period of time that the birth parents have to change their mind after signing consent. The revocation period varies from state to state. In some states, consents are irrevocable after execution. CAC works in states where consents are irrevocable in order to reduce risks for adoptive families.
3. The third and final step is finalization. Finalization is the last legal step to gain permanent, legal custody of the child.

Birth moms are young teenage girls.

“Was her birth mom really young?” – I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked this question about our daughter’s birth mother. Not every woman who places her child for adoption is young. In fact, most of the adoption plans we see at CAC are made by women in their mid to late 20’s. Some are parenting other children. Some are working on their education and career and aren’t in a place to raise a child. Whatever the case may be, they share a common desire of wanting to provide a better life for their child.

It takes years to adopt domestically.

This is simply not true for families working with Christian Adoption Consultants because of our multi-agency approach. Working with multiple agencies increases your exposure to adoption situations and decreases wait times.

We have to be rich to adopt.

I work with families of all income levels. During the home study process, you will have to prove your family can financially accommodate for another child. Is adoption expensive? Yes, it can be. However, many families offset the cost of adopting by fundraising and applying for adoption grants.

Birth moms are selfish people who don’t want their child.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. She chose to put her baby’s needs before her own and place it with a loving family. That takes a deep love and selflessness. Watching our daughter’s birth mom grieve her decision was one of the hardest things I have ever seen. There is no question in my mind that she didn’t “want” our daughter more than anything! But, she wanted more for her daughter than she felt like she could give her.

We already have 3+ kids. No birth parents will choose us.

Each birth parent has different criteria that they would like for the adoptive family. Some desire for their child to be placed in a family with no children. Others want their baby to have a brother or sister. And some grew up in large families and want their child to have a similar experience. We see families who have 3+ children get chosen by birth parents all the time.

Hiring an adoption consultant is an unnecessary additional expense.

Listen, I get it! I have been there. When my husband and I began pursuing domestic adoption we had the same thoughts. We were a one income family at the time and my husband was a full time seminary student. We didn’t exactly have extra money floating around. In fact, we didn’t even have enough money in savings to pay for our home study. So, when someone told me about hiring a consultant, my first thought was, I can totally do this myself. And then I started to do research and I was completely overwhelmed. Hiring an adoption consultant was the best thing we ever did. Instantly we were connected to reputable, ethical agencies and resources to help us through every step of the process.