A few weeks into his deployment, we decided God had shut the door for conceiving biologically and adoption was where God was leading us. TWO DAYS after Daniel posted our GoFundMe page, I had a friend contact me because her husband is a local artist in my home town and he just so happened to want to do a fundraiser for an adopting couple! In that moment, after feeling like we were swimming against the stream for so many years, I finally felt at peace that we were exactly where God wanted us. The fundraiser went great! It’s amazing to feel love and support from not only friends and family, but strangers! We were home study approved in June and as the months went by, I tried to stay as busy as I could, but I felt myself getting discouraged. We presented to 11 birth mom’s, and each “no” hurt worse than the pone before.
God truly opened my eyes to the fact that each one of these birth mom’s are his children too. Most of them are in bad positions in life, hurting and going through things we can’t even fathom. It’s so easy to judge and think it selfish of a woman who would do drugs/drink/smoke during pregnancy, but?it takes a selfless person to know their baby deserves a better life than what they can provide?and to choose to give that child to someone else to raise. God taught me so much through all of this, but mostly he taught me that maybe through adoption, we can reach people we never would have had to opportunity to reach otherwise. Like our child’s birth mom for instance. The first time that we spoke to her on the phone, she started crying and that made it seem so much more real. She was a real person who was hurting. I pray every day for God to show me how to be loving and caring to her the way that Christ would be.
When we started this, I was so opposed to having an open adoption. In fact, a few times that is one thing that kept me from wanting to present. The whole thing made me feel uncomfortable. But I felt God changing my heart as time went on and I realized that we aren’t supposed to be comfortable in life,?God calls us to be uncomfortable. Most of us want a life that we can have total control over and a life that doesn’t involve suffering, but if we have that, when would we run and seek out God? Romans 8:28 says We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to his purpose. Butall things? doesn’t just refer to happy days. They include the tough and lonely ones, the ones full of big questions.
The morning we were supposed to meet for lunch we got a call that she was in labor and we rushed to the hospital to meet our miracle! When we got there, the social worker met up with us as we waited in the waiting room to go meet our daughter. She asked “So, have you picked a name yet?” I replied “yes, but does she have a name she likes?” I’ll never forget the response: “Yes, she likes the name Ava.” I started bawling, overwhelmed with the sense that God cared enough to give me a sign of just how planned this all was! Ava was the name we had chosen months before if we were blessed with a daughter. I had asked God from day one of starting the adoption process for a sign that this is what he wanted for us. There was my sign! He orchestrated every single perfectly messy detail to get us to this exact moment. He’s a good, good father! We walked into the birth mom’s room and saw our Ava for the first time. It was the most emotionally raw moment of our lives! Holding this teeny 5 pound 2 ounce beautiful baby girl made every tear shed, every “why God?” every lonely sleepless night so worth it. I feel that God used these last few years to mold us into who he needed us to be.