FAQ: Birth Mother Perspective

What are Expecting Mothers looking for in an adoptive family?

This is a question I receive a lot, and it is very tricky to answer.  Everyone is created uniquely and with that uniqueness comes different preferences.  Some expecting mothers may want families with more children in the home, while others may want the child they are placing to be the only child. Some may be looking for a couple that has been married for a long time, while others may be looking for a newly married couple.  It really could be anything!

My encouragement is this- rather than thinking about how you can fit the mold of what the expectant mother is looking for, just be you!  I firmly believe the Lord entrusts children, both biological and adopted, with the families they are meant to be with.  Expecting mothers want to see the love your family has for each other, they want to feel like they can envision the child they are placing in your home, and they want to know you care for them and not just the child.  It may be a very random trait that sparks the initial draw an expectant mother has towards an adoptive family.  So, I encourage you to make sure the foundation of your family is solid and trust that the rest will come.

What are some hopes and dreams Birth Mothers have for their child?

For me, my biggest hope and dream is that my child is healthy, happy, provided for, and that he loves the Lord.  I also hope that my child respects the decision I made for his life.  I am not looking for gratitude, just respect.  Above all, I hope that he knows how fiercely he is loved.  He is thought of every day, prayed over, and he brings me so much joy!

What are some expectations that Birth Mothers have for the adoptive family?

I believe the primary expectation is for the adoptive family to provide a loving home where the child we placed can thrive.  For me, this means a firm marriage, stability, and opportunities that perhaps I felt I could not provide at the time of placement.  Also, birth mothers expect you to be true to your word.  If there is an agreement between the adoptive family and birth mother regarding contact, hold to it!  Send the pictures, give the updates, make the visit… be intentional and truthful with your relationship.  Finally, I feel it is important you speak to your child about their birth mother with love and respect.  Honor your child’s birth parents in your words and actions.