Are all adoptions “open” now?

History
In calls with prospective adoptive families, many want to clarify what the post-adoption expectations are for ongoing contact with the birth family of their adopted children. This is actually really interesting to examine in light of the history of domestic adoptions. About 100-150 years ago, impoverished families placed their children on “orphan trains” headed westward to be placed with wealthier families or farming families. 

In the 1950s to late 1990s, many adoptions were completed in secret, with mothers often living in mother-baby homes through the pregnancy, not knowing who would adopt their children or what would happen to them. Even until recently, some states have sealed original birth records so that adoptees don’t have the full information about who their biological parents are, or the details of their birth. When we look at the history of adoptions, we often see these choices for placement were not always voluntarily made, or were made because shame or stigma led the decision-making process about what “post-adoption contact” might look like. We now have adult adoptees and birth parents who are doing searches and reunions and speaking out about how this lack of information negatively impacted them.

More recently, we have seen a major shift towards openness. Adoption research highlights the value of sharing information truthfully, in age-appropriate ways, to our adopted children. 

Variables of openness for each type of adoption
In domestic adoption, almost all adoptions have touchpoints of openness between birth and adoptive families, whether that means exchanging first names or general locations and some basic facts about one another, to spending time in the hospital together, attending pre-birth hospital visits, or connecting annually after a child is born. In international adoptions, some families hire interpreters and investigators to find extended birth family members to keep family connections for their adopted children. In embryo adoption, some recipient/adoptive parents have ongoing contact with the biological/donor families of their adopted children, which may include updates or visits. Having “no” information or a truly “closed” adoption is very rare today. Even in situations where there is no ongoing information, some adult adoptees elect to use DNA sites, social media, or other means to find birth siblings or parents to resolve questions and make connections with their biological family. 

Before placement
In domestic adoptions, agencies let the birth parents lead on what type of post-placement contact they would like to have and match adoptive parents according to the birth family’s preferences. In embryo adoption, adoptive parents can choose donors that are identified or anonymous. Sometimes in “open” or “semi-open” adoptions, there can be ebbs and flows of communication, with seasons of more contact or visits, and seasons where communication needs a mediator or extra support. At CAC, we have an Openness in Adoption Training Course that addresses a lot of the complexities of closed, semi-open, or open adoption.

Deciding on the best type of adoption for your family
In evaluating what type of open adoption would best suit your family, here are some questions to consider: 

1. What is typical for the program that I am working with? 
2. Are there commitments we are expected to make according to the agency’s policies? 
3. Do we have the means and flexibility for ongoing in-person contact, or would we best be able to honor virtual (email, phone, video) communication? 
4. What do you imagine your child will wish you had committed to? 
5. Knowing there will be gaps of information regardless, what tools or resources would you need for helping your child understand their story?