If you’re like me, the title of this post has already launched you into singing this Sunday School favorite. But seriously, do you think about shielding your ears, hearts, eyes and mind from the loving advice and concern of those who mean well? As kids, we looked toward our elders, parents and teachers for truth, wisdom and insight, right? At some point we matured and seasoned enough to cleave from their well-meaning, loving and protective guidance. We chose to lean in toward a personal relationship with God and then our helpmate—or the other way around for some of us. The bottom line is, we found Jesus for ourselves, not an inherited set of rules or a checklist of what to do or not do. Rather, it is a co-laboring; it is honoring and pleasing work with the One and Only God.
For those of us who are married, we’ve stood before God—and in front of our pastor—to make a marriage covenant. Some of us even lit a unity candle symbolizing oneness. All the while, those who may or may not have paid for the wedding sat on their respective pews, not on the stage. And while we love these wonderful and amazing people to the moon and back, we left their nest, entered free will and made promises before the Almighty God to become a three strand cord with Him and the person we love unconditionally. Only you and God entered that private and sacred space.
Marriage, and the process of adding to that union by the expansion of family through children, is a sacred matter. It’s designed that way! Adoption is an extension of this covenant. It’s a bond worth entering as it grows you and your far-reaching ministry. It’s a promise best navigated with your spouse and adoption professionals. It is not a space for everyone to speak. Every adoption, just like every marriage, is custom and unique in a multitude of ways.
Maybe you’ve already allowed others into this space and need to clearly define the boundaries or gently remove permission. Maybe you’ve already heard the concern of well-meaning friends who wanted to share a story or outcome that sparked fear or doubt within you. These adoring people will still be around after you align the boundaries over your ears, eyes and heart. While they are loved and dear, their ministry isn’t your adoption and therefore they need to be outside of this private, personal space. Don’t worry, they won’t abandon you when you need them, and they will undoubtedly become prayer warriors as you embark on this journey. To use a bowling analogy, the guidelines you lay out become bumpers in your life, so when you aim to be positive, confident, hopeful and full of faith, the ball will roll straight to the pins of intent— instead of the gutter.
If it helps, make a list of ways you can limit what you hear, read and scroll through. Then plan on laying the groundwork for your protection plan as a couple. You both need to be prepared to cut off a conversation with polite apologies if necessary. And if you need a little encouragement from the younger you, listen and absorb this song.
Oh Be Careful Little Eyes:
“Oh, be careful little eyes what you see,
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see.
For the Father up above is looking down in love,
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see.
Oh, be careful little ears what you hear,
Oh, be careful little ears what you hear.
For the Father up above is looking down in love,
Oh, be careful little ears what you hear.”
The lyrics do not scold; rather, they are a healing salve, the wise advice from believers who’ve charted this path ahead of us. They teach us how to minimize and simplify living with a kingdom mindset.
And when time marches onward, confidence, courage, grace, vulnerability and love will lead. In the end, your family covenant will be stronger.
Proverbs 4:23 NIV
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
To The Mother of My Children
Adoption Story: Mark and Jenni
Birth Parent Series: Are You Loving Well? (pt. 2)