When my husband and I were in the middle of walking through our season of infertility, it was filled with many different emotions. We longed to be parents, but never knew if it would happen. Living in that faith filled season brought about so much hope that Jesus was at work in our lives. When I first talked to Meagan and Michael, I could sense that same hope that as deep in their spirit. Sometimes parenthood doesn’t come about the way we dreamed it would when we were little. But when we take those steps of faith that seem so big, the little moments become incredible miracles. Today, Megan share’s about the journey of waiting that led them to their daughter.
Michael and I have been married for six years. Before that, we dated for eight months and had a four month engagement.
When our relationship started to become more serious, we used to take my paddle board out on Lake Washington, and talk about our hopes for the future. During one of those conversations, one of us brought up our desire to adopt. I can’t recall who brought it up first, only that the other immediately said “me too.” At that moment, I knew that God was working things together, and that we would adopt in our future.
What I didn’t know, is that it would be so difficult for us to have biological children. We conceived unexpectedly and early on in our marriage and that ended up in a loss. It was a later loss, and I needed surgery afterwards. Since then, we were unable to conceive. Years passed and we received an “unexplained” diagnosis, meaning, we have no answers for you. “This could be making it harder or that, but we can’t see a reason why you can’t have children.” Yet, it didn’t happen.
We sought the help of fertility treatments which resulted in two more losses, both of which “should have been” viable pregnancies. And then, we decided it was time to circle back to our initial dream of adopting.
At first this new journey felt overwhelming. It felt like a jigsaw puzzle to solve without instructions. A friend introduced me to her friend who had adopted domestically, and she recommended Christian Adoption Consultants. So, we reached out and talked to Fallon. Best decision ever, and for sure meant to be.
Fallon became my friend, confidant, and guide through the maze of adoption. After talking with her and receiving a clear roadmap to adoption, her enthusiasm rubbed off and we suddenly felt excited, and hopeful for the first time in years!
This journey felt … different. God was tangibly in it with us. He was guiding us and showing us visibly that we were in the center of His plan.
Upon learning the cost of domestic infant adoption, we were floored, and wondered how long it would take us to save enough to move forward. When we had what we needed financially we looked at each other and then back at those unsure moments months earlier – humbled, amazed, and almost in disbelief of just how quickly everything came together! Both of our employers offered adoption reimbursement, and our church along with our prior church contributed also. Suddenly funds just started coming in, and it wasn’t like some generous stranger just left a giant check on our door, but a lot of little things happened and equated to a really big amazing thing – we were funded and ready to move forward. Where God guides, He provides! We just had to take the steps of faith.
We had completed the steps leading up finishing our home study in the midst of the COVID-19 Pandemic during quarantine, which meant that our social worker couldn’t come into our home just yet to complete her report. So, there was uncertainty and waiting.
And then a couple months later once we were home study approved and active with agencies, there was more waiting. The waiting and the “no’s”, the “you weren’t chosen’s” were more difficult than I imagined. I was so happy for whichever adoptive family would be blessed with each child knowing the longing of growing your family, and knew that God had our child out there for us and this just wasn’t it. Yet I sometimes wondered if there was something maybe wrong with us, and it was hard not to feel the rejection. I say that because, if these feelings creep in, you’re not alone friend. Lean into Jesus, because He does have a child planned for your family and soon enough your baby will be in your arms and you are going to love them like you never knew possible.
The average wait time for families working with Christian Adoption Consultants during the time we were, was around 6 months. We started our paperwork in March, and were an active family in June. October came around and we had reached that mark, and I was beginning to wonder if this was going to happen for us. Then suddenly, we got “THE” email. The one where the expectant mama chose our family’s profile. I still remember the uncontainable JOY we felt, that we were chosen! Our profile wasn’t just going off into a black hole abyss, we were seen and chosen!
Our story doesn’t have a happy ending just yet folks, but keep reading.
We spoke to our expectant mama and she liked us but then wasn’t 100% sure. Then, my husband wrote her a letter from his heart about what kind of father he would be and parents we would be, and she decided to move forward with us. Our conversations with her were sporadic, but when we did talk things felt promising. We learned about her and she joked with us asking if we were ready for sleepless nights, and our connection with her grew. Shortly after, we flew across the country to meet her, before her due date. We called Fallon multiple times for her guidance and support to navigate what was ahead of us, I truly don’t know how we would have made it through without her.
We were on our way to our lawyers office to finally meet our expectant mama and talk about her hospital plan, when we got a call from the office. She wasn’t coming.
Friends in that moment I can imagine myself falling into a puddle on the floor, but that’s not what happened. What did happen, is that I was flooded with overwhelming peace. Unlike any that I’ve ever experienced in midst of a tragic moment, and these words just kept pressing on my heart “GOD ISN’T FINISHED.” We packed up our belongings and flew back home, empty handed.
I can describe the weeks that followed as nothing but a faith perfecting season. Rather than being shaken, our faith grew. Our peace grew. We leaned into God’s promises, claiming them in our own lives. We sought Him first and everything else faded into the distance. He says He works it out for good friends, and He does, we were closer to Him than ever before.
A month later, was finally our time. And I can only describe this season as, better than I could have ever imagined.
We got THE email again; we had been chosen! This time, our hearts were more guarded, and yet we had more peace. We got to FaceTime with expectant mama, who we now call Mama M, and friends, it was a connection straight from heaven. I will never forget the moment our case worker asked her “do you have any other questions for them” and she looked at her and then us, and said “I know that they’re the ones.” I felt her words in my very soul, and tears sprinkled my cheeks and I was fanning them dry with my hand, and then … she did the same! The beautiful of adoption… this was it.
We quickly flew to to meet Mama M for dinner before she went into labor, and not only did we get to share a meal with her, but her daughter and mom ended up coming too! While definitely nerve-wracking for us all no doubt, it was so very special to break bread with them. A moment etched into our minds and hearts forever.
The next day Mama M went into labor, and we were told due to COVID-19 restrictions we weren’t going to be able to meet the baby even if Mama M did choose to go through with her adoption plan, until Mama was discharged and they left the hospital. We knew she would likely have a C-section, and that this could be up to five days. So, we prayed. And then, we got a call. The nursing staff met and made an exception for us! They gave us a private room!
Baby came and we cared for her for two days.While Mama M recovered we held baby girl in our arms and watched the snow fall outside the window of our room, full of gratitude, and thanking God for this long-awaited moment. At that point we knew that Mama M could still decide to parent, but we also loved her child so much. This in between moment, is so very stretching. And then, after what felt like an eternity of holding our breath, but was really just a few days, Mama M signed her consent for adoption.
We were flooded with joy, yet also more than anything in that moment I remember considering Mama M and the heartache I know she was feeling. Balancing loss and joy in one moment broke us. She didn’t get much time with baby girl, who we named Malina, prior to signing papers, so we wanted her to be with her mama the rest of the time in the hospital. I’m not saying this wasn’t hard friends, we were feeling separation anxiety and I even cried! But my goodness, it was good, and we would not have had it any other way. And without us asking, Mama M sent her back to us every night. It was like a beautiful gift to each other.
We all walked out of the hospital together upon discharge, another moment etched into my heart forever.
GOD IS FAITHFUL.
5 years, 3 miscarriages, 3 surgeries, 2 failed infertility treatments, and 1 failed adoption.
And she’s here. Malina Anna.
We still can’t get over how perfect God’s plan and timing is. And how even during those days, months, and years we felt forgotten, He was there all along, orchestrating everything for our good and His glory.
“We are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and persevere their souls.” – Hebrews 9:39