• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Looking for something?

Let´s get in touch

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Phone
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Christian Adoption Consultants

Helping Couples on Their Adoption Journey

  • ABOUT
    • OUR FOUNDERS
    • OUR STATS
    • WHY HIRE A CONSULTANT?
  • SUPPORT TEAM
  • Consulting Services
  • Profile Design Services
  • Happy Clients
  • Blog
  • Contact Us

The Lie of Adoption

August 30, 2018 By Jonnilyn Spinks

The Lie of Adoption

Adoption is full of choices.
What kind of adoption will you pursue: domestic, international, foster care?
Which agency will your work with? What attorney will help you finalize? What other adoption professionals will you work with?

What kind of child are you open to in regards to age, race, siblings, etc.? 

What kind of openness will you share with the birth family?

The choices seem endless once you begin your adoption. You realize there are many paths to take and deciding which is the best for your family is an important part of the process. Adoption is also full of checklists and paperwork. There’s a tremendous amount of forms to complete, boxes of preferences to check, and appointments to schedule.
In some sense all of these choices that are available are a blessing. There’s tremendous value in doing your research and finding the best fit for your family. There’s wisdom in researching all of your choices, educating yourself on what is out there, and prayerfully making decisions as a couple. And being in a space where you are accomplishing tasks that get you closer to bringing a baby home are exciting and life-giving.
BUT. All of these choices also create a false sense of control in adoption.
Because at some point in your journey, you are left to wait. The choices have been made. The paperwork is complete. The nursery has been decorated. The baby registry is finished. And you’re left with seemingly nothing else to do but wait…

And the choice is left to someone else. An expectant family looking over profiles, making their own choices about the future of their child. You realize the control you thought you had isn’t near as much as you had hoped.

When all the “doing” is done, the lie of control lingers and can leave you grasping at a false sense of security and comfort. The choices being made in this stage of adoption are just as endless. But this time, they are not yours to make.
When will we be chosen?
What can we do to make sure we’re chosen?

Is the expectant mom making healthy choices for her pregnancy?

How will our time at the hospital unfold?  

What if none of this works out in the end? 

This is where the adoption process can become completely overwhelming, fear-inducing, and anxiety ridden. To the point that it can even lead a family to be completely paralyzed and shaken that they are no longer in control and it’s all left up to “fate.”
But it doesn’t have to feel this way. Our fears don’t have to become controlling. Our anxiety doesn’t have to become our mode of operation during the adoption process. And we don’t even have to ensure we have complete control over our adoption.
We can rest, because the truth is we’re never really in total control of our lives.
Even while struggling with infertility, you can’t ever make yourself get pregnant even if you eat all the right things and take all the right medications at all the right times. Even with a biological pregnancy you can’t choose the gender or guarantee the health of the baby. And with many other situations in our lives, there’s so much that’s simply outside of our control.
While initially that can be a horribly unnerving thought, it can also be incredibly freeing.
What if God’s plans are better for us?
I’ve found there’s a crucial step that every adoptive family needs to come to in order to have peace and contentment through the adoption process. You can hold on to control so tightly that you actually miss what God has for you. Or you can release your white-knuckled grip on your plans and hand them to Jesus.
But how? How do you overcome the fear and the “what ifs” and the inability to control outcomes in adoption?
Practically, the best way I’ve seen couples do this is to walk through every open door they have in front of them. Then, prayerfully ask God to slam that door shut if it’s not His will. There’s always a tension in adoption (and in every aspect of our lives) where we weigh good, solid, common sense and wisdom with a confident and reckless faith. When we ask the Holy Spirit to take the lead. And when we do all we can then leave it with God to do the rest. Sometimes taking the first step can feel like taking a leap off the ledge. But sometimes, knowing when to let God take over is even more challenging.
The lie of adoption (and all of life) is that we are in control. But the beauty is that God is in perfect control and completely trustworthy.
In the end, it’s God who creates families. He knows best. His timing is perfect.

And when He is the author, God always writes the best stories.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. 
{Ephesians 3:20-21}

Related Posts

  • Hard, Holy and HumblingHard, Holy and Humbling
  • Adoption Story: Jeremy & KatieAdoption Story: Jeremy & Katie
  • 2 Things to Consider As You Name Your Child
  • Adoption Story: John and KimberlyAdoption Story: John and Kimberly

Filed Under: Uncategorized

About Jonnilyn Spinks

Jonnilyn has over 5 years agency experience including all aspects of birth/adoptive family care and case management. She has such a strong passion for adoption, as she is an adopted child herself so she has a very unique perspective. Jonnilyn has had the joy of making a very personal part of her life a profession. She attended the State College of Florida and comes from an extensive background in social services. Ultimately, Jonnilyn finds it such an honor and a calling to walk alongside of families in their adoption journey.

Primary Sidebar

Questions?

WE CAN HELP!

WE CAN HELP!

Contact us today for a FREE Adoption Information Packet or to schedule a phone consultation! We can answer your questions and create an adoption plan for you. Ready to take the next step?

Recent Posts

  • Why CAC?
  • What To Do While You Wait
  • Adoption At The Hospital
  • Adoption Story: Marc + Sarah (Part 2)
  • Adoption Story: Marc + Sarah (Part 1)
welcome

WHY HIRE US?

After 3,000 adoptions, we've learned a thing or two. Let us create a custom, individualized adoption plan for you.
LEARN MORE!

Footer

YOUR SUPPORT TEAM

You deserve the best! That’s why we’ve assembled an amazingly talented team that is highly qualified to support you on your adoption journey!

Did you know we are one of the largest, oldest, and most experienced adoption consulting firms in the world?

LET´S GET IN TOUCH

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Phone
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
We'd love to hear from you!

info@christianadoptionconsultants.com

Office Hours: Monday-Friday 9-6 EST
Instagram post 2195869752612957024_1343149943 "It's easy to think if you haven't been chosen that there's something 'wrong' with you. There are still age-old ideas that every expectant parent is looking for a specific 'type' of family, but it's simply not true. As unique as each birth mother is, her idea of the 'perfect adoptive family' is just as unique. I don't believe in the idea of a perfect adoptive family. But I've seen over and over again God make a match that is perfect for a birth and adoptive family."⁣
⁣
-CAC Adoption Consultant Susan⁣
⁣
For those of you who have walked through the adoption journey before can you relate? Can you relate to feeling like something was "wrong" with your family when you weren't being chosen? If so, how would you encourage other families who may be experiencing similar thoughts and feelings in their own journey? Comment below and tag a friend who needs a bit of encouragement today in the wait! ⁣
⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation ⁣
Instagram post 2195158276927472049_1343149943 "I tell everyone that working with CAC was by far the easiest and best decision we made in our adoption journey. I know from personal experience that the adoption process can seem intimidating, but that’s where Christian Adoption Consultants comes in!"⁣
⁣
-CAC Adoption Consultant Kelly @kellybethtodd⁣
⁣
Click on the "most recent" link in our bio to continue reading about why families are choosing CAC to assist them in their adoption journey! ⁣
⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣ ⁣
⁣
⁣
#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption ⁣
Instagram post 2192997480759883754_1343149943 "The hard thing about adoption is there's no due date. Before a match, no social worker can narrow down when your baby will be in your arms. You don't know to buy winter or summer 0-3 month clothes or even if they should be pink or blue. 
This is the point when I've had numerous families say adoption has done for their faith what no other experience has. This waiting stage has couples lean into Jesus in a way they've never experienced before. But what do you do when the busyness of adoption wanes and you're left waiting? " -CAC Adoption Consultant Susan @svansyckle ***to continue reading click on the "most recent" link in our bio*** .
.
.
.
.
.

#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove  #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
Instagram post 2192282875947435465_1343149943 "When an expectant mother goes into labor and is admitted into the hospital the hopeful adoptive parent(s) are, most often, notified to make their way to the hospital. Emotions are running high for everyone involved. The expectant mother is giving birth to a baby she's made an adoption plan for and the hopeful adoptive parent(s) are eagerly awaiting the birth of a baby they have prepared to bring home.⁣
At each step of an adoption plan, it is so important for the hopeful adoptive parent(s) to honor the expectant mother. But what does that look like in the hospital setting?"⁣
-CAC Adoption Consultant Meg @megcac ⁣
***Click on the "most recent" link in our bio to continue reading***⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove #adoptiveparent #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation
Instagram post 2191528544205817968_1343149943 "A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me” (Jodi Landers-Adoptive Mama). ⁣
⁣
At CAC we acknowledge the complexities and juxtapositions of emotions that adoption brings for all parties of the adoption triad (adoptee, birth mother, adoptive parents). Adoption can not be defined by one word, phrase or singular emotion. Adoption is beautiful, but it's also hard. Adoption can be filled with joy, but brokenness and loss are there as well. We think there is room for all of these big thoughts and emotions in this space. ⁣
⁣
We would love to hear from all parties of the adoption triad. How do you navigate these contrasting thoughts and feelings in adoption?⁣
⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove #birthmother #adoptee #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption ⁣
Instagram post 2190833150958333345_1343149943 We are sharing part two of Marc and Sarah's adoption story on the blog today! We pray their words are an encouragement to you wherever you are on your adoption journey. "...through adoption, our hearts and lives will be forever intertwined with our daughter's birth family. We are all family now. It will probably be messy and hard at times...But it will also be beautiful and good. So, so good. And so very worth it. This is our family. And that is how it came to be." ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
***to continue reading click on the “most recent” link in our bio***⁣
.⁣⁣
.⁣⁣
.⁣⁣
.⁣⁣
.⁣⁣
.⁣⁣
#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Instagram post 2190072504960489705_1343149943 "If you’ve ever wanted a detailed, honest, and raw glimpse into the road to adoption; this is a beautiful one. Today Sarah is graciously sharing their family’s journey of becoming a family of five. It includes honest, heartfelt prayers, questions from little boys wanting to become big brothers, candid insight into the effects of the wait on marriage, and what it looks like to have a relationship with a birth family. Sarah unpacks the holy and hard spaces of adoption, the wonder and often anxiety-producing wait for a child, and the beauty of learning that God is the author of good stories…"⁣
⁣
-CAC Adoption Consultant Susan⁣ @svansyckle ⁣
***click the "most recent" link in our bio to continue reading this beautiful adoption story***⁣
⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove #nationaladoptionmonth #nationaladoptionawarenessmonth #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation
Instagram post 2188629411031733804_1343149943 Thank you for following along during National Adoption Awareness Month! We hope the resources we have provided over the  past 30 days have been helpful to you! ⁣
⁣
We are wrapping up the month here in on our IG stories throughout the day with advice from our staff, but we have also included a summary that you can access in the “most recent” link section in our bio. We pray these words would be an encouragement to you wherever you are in your journey! ⁣
⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#CACadoption #christianadoptionconsultants #lovemakesafamily #adoptionbuiltus #domesticadoption #adoption  #adoptionjourney #adoptionislove #adoptionstory #adoptionconsultant #adoptionstories #adoptionislove #nationaladoptionmonth #nationaladoptionawarenessmonth #adoptiveparent #adoptiontriad #bettertogether #adoptioncommunity #domesticinfantadoption #adoptionishard #adoptioneducation #openadoption
Follow on Instagram
  • Home
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms and Conditions

Copyright © 2019 · Powered by PersistSEO DMCA.com Protection Status