This was my first Mother’s Day as a mom. We didn’t know for sure yet that Abigail was ours, but for me it felt that I was on top of the world. We waited 4 years to even start any process of adoption at all because those were the rules then, and 4 years was too long for me.
Part of my Mother’s Day miracle begins when I was 8. I had cancer that weighed 5lbs. in my little 8 year old body which required a total hysterectomy….. and I survived. That in itself was a miracle that I lived to become a mother.
There are many of you that experienced such a different story to mine. That is what makes us all unique, but it also unites us. You see at some point through many millions of reasons, seasons, and circumstances we all came to this place. A place where our hearts were open to a child that we did not physically give birth to.
So here we stand and I wanted to dispell some myths and then give you some insight from a mom now 9 times over.
Myth 1- If you can have children biologically or if you have children already then you should be able to “be strong” and not have such a deep desire to adopt a child.
My desire to adopt Abigail was no more or less than my desire to adopt Michael. There was no difference at all just because I had 8 other children when we brought Michael home. I understand that is hard to believe for others, but as a mom I want you to hear that you are valid in that desire.
Myth 2- You should just “get over” feeling down about Mother’s Day when you are in the waiting process in adoption after all it will happen some day.
There is nothing about waiting that I particularily enjoy. So you can’t just “get over” that feeling of deep aching when your child isn’t in your arms.
Myth 3- That I can be strong around others whose adoptions are complete or be happy for my friend who showed up in church with her brand new baby.
Don’t try to be superhuman. It is perfectly normal to feel envious and upset that you aren’t holding your child in your arms yet. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your friends or even family that have a new child.
What to do even now as the hours tick away in what seems like forever……..
1- Give yourself permission to grieve and don’t apologize for it. It’s ok and totally natural for you to grieve for the promise that hasn’t happened yet. I belive whole heartedly that Moses must have grieved as he waited for what was going to happen.
2- Treat yourself! If you have to ask your husband not to go to church- that is fine. If you want to just go out for dinner with your mom alone fine. If you feel you need alone time to cry or read a book that is ok. Do something that will validate who you are in this time of waiting.
3- Do yourself a favor and journal it or document the day. Not because you are happy, but because you need to remember those feelings of it being hard waiting. How beautiful one day to remember the Mother’s Day(s) gone by where you longed for your child(ren) and you can say the miracles that God has done. Then hand all of your feelings over to God who sees you and knows your heart.
I pray today that this post finds it’s way to you mom. That you are told you are beautiful even in the waiting. That you know that your feelings are real and normal. That you are loved by a Heavenly Father more than you know and so is your future child(ren).