Knowing When To Say Yes in Adoption
In the beginning of the adoption process, the pathway is pretty clear. Hire a home study worker. Fill out these forms. Check those boxes. Get the fingerprints and the physicals and the baby items. Check, check, check.
But then a couple comes to a stage in the adoption process when they begin to review situations: an expectant mother who would like to make an adoption plan for their child. It often includes information like the gender of the baby, due date, and social and medical history of the birth family.
And it’s at this point that a hopeful adoptive parent decides if they want to present their profile. And when and if they do, that’s their 100% commitment to raise this child as their own if chosen.
This is also the point when it’s easy for hopeful adoptive parents to become incredibly anxious (read: freak out) about saying yes to the right situation.
Value of Wisdom
I’ve called control the lie of adoption. Because the truth is there’s very little control you can have in the process (like so much of life). Ultimately an expectant or birth mother chooses an adoptive family. You realize you simply can’t check all of the boxes for your preferences in life. After you’ve done your part, weighed all of this important information, and decided if you want to present, you realize that there’s only so much you can do.
God has woven the story of adoption throughout the Gospel and invites us to be a part of it as well. He’s known the details of your days (and your child’s) from the beginning of time. No one can thwart His plans or stand in their way. There’s tremendous freedom found in not just believing in God’s complete control, but truly resting there.
And can I be honest about something else? I don’t think there’s a perfect situation out there for you. Adoption is always born from brokenness and the perfect scenario is that a child is always meant to be with their birth family. But of course we live in a broken world where sometimes that’s not possible or best. We live in a world touched by infertility and substance use and unhealthy relationships and hundreds of other broken things. So the idea of “ideal” quickly goes out the window.
BUT. I do believe there’s a perfect situation for you. What I mean is that I believe God is sovereign over everything, and that includes putting families together. So while there’s no “ideal” or “perfect” scenario or situation, I strongly believe God has the perfect match for an adoptive family. That there is baby that fits perfectly and is divinely ordained to be placed with a specific family.
How do you find joy in the midst of waiting? How do you know when to say yes? How do you make sure it all works out in the end?
God will not let you miss your baby. You can rest in His perfect plan. Your job is simply to say yes to Him.