The name “mom”… It is a name of endearment, affection, and love for me. It resembles someone who loves fiercely, always protects. It’s a title given to those held dear. It’s a title of selflessness.
So, if my perception of this name is so dear and comforting, why did it stir up a scorching fire of fear the first time I heard my daughter use it?
It was the first time she used it in reference to “her”. You know….her other mom. The one who will be the only one to ever know how it feels to carry my sweet baby girl within her. The one who knew of her first. The one who loved her first.
I’m not happy to admit that an ugly fear welled up in a flash and it completely caught me off guard. You see…. We’ve been intentional from day one to be open with our kids. We whispered love messages before they were old enough to understand words. We have told them their stories over and over. We pray for each birthmother daily. We want to be a support to our kids in any relationship they desire with their first parents.
And yet, on that day, several years ago now, it was only fear that rose up faster than I even knew what was happening. I wanted to correct my sweet daughter. I wanted to explain that MY name was “mom”. I wanted to feel secure in her love towards me.
Thankfully, I stopped my tongue and let it pass, appearing to be calm inside… All the while I was recognizing what ugliness had risen up. At that point, I knew I had a choice. My choices were to selfishly reserve that name for myself and contradict every other message we had intended to send our children; OR I could lay it down. I could lay down my selfishness and insecurity, and consider the feelings of my daughter. What a GIFT this was!! My daughter felt secure enough to call another woman “mom” right in front of me. What a blessing!!!!! She was seeing that the beautiful woman who shares her smile as part of herself, as someone who will always love her. She was understanding that she was FREE to love two moms, two families. I came so close to ruining it. The very freedom that I desperately wanted to give my kids. I’m so very thankful God helped me control my tongue, recognize my sinful thoughts, and surrender them to Him.
I LOVE that she calls her “mom”! I LOVE that my daughter is so special she gets two moms who love her endlessly, protect her fiercely, and always want what is best for her. What a privilege it is for me to be this little girl’s mom. And it’s all because of her… My daughter’s other mom. What an honor to share this title with her!!!
-Written by, Rena Vawter in 2014