Adoption is a process – both in the courts and in our hearts. Most couples talk about adoption for a long time before committing.
In between all that talking, praying and pondering, verbal shortcuts for deep thoughts begin to develop. We start saying things in our own lingo, not aware of how it might sound to others who don’t know our heart. At our core, we know that there are other peoples’ hearts on the line, too – birth parents and even our soon-to-be adopted children.
Because people are valuable and their hearts are precious, we do our best to develop accurate language around the matters of adoption. For instance…
We don’t say “Put their baby up for adoption….” – we say “Made an adoption plan.”
You may mean the same thing we do, but we’re very aware that the first phrase sounds like someone selling a used car or worse.
Making an adoption plan is not as simple or haphazard as saying “here’s my baby, who wants it?” When done right, it involves education, intentional pursuit of the right family, and a birth mother (and often birth father) making an intentional decision for a specific family to raise their baby.
We don’t say “Decided to keep it….” when a birth mother decides against adoption. We say “Decided to parent.”
A baby is not an “it” to be kept or tossed away like an old pair of shoes. We recognize that some birth families just need time to think through their options and after considering adoption, may choose to parent their child. We love children and want to celebrate this option for birth parents.
We don’t say “Those are our real kids….”, we say “Those are our bio kids….”.
And even that feels weird. Bio kids? Are the adopted kids minerals? They’re all real kids.
It feels awkward for adoptive parents to talk about the children God has given them biologically versus those given to them by adoption because we don’t think about them any differently. When pressed to answer “How many of your kids are adopted?” sometimes we have to think about it – because we don’t think of them in different terms.
“Bio kids” sounds better than “real”, but understand we feel the same about them all.
The language of adoption is important because we are dealing with the hearts of eternal beings. If we want to make sure everyone receives the best care, why would we not give them all the highest regard?
If you’re ready to talk about adoption but don’t know where to start, we can help. Christian Adoption Consultants helps people through their adoption journey. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or call 1.888.833.1114.