Jace Ezekiel…He is nine months old now. He has now been with me as long as he was in his birth momma’s belly. I remember that time frame being such a turning point with Eden, our first adopted daughter. And thinking back, his story into our family began with her. The day I met Eden for the first time, held her in my arms, I knew instinctively that there was “one more.” As sure as I knew we were called to adoption four years earlier, I knew that day that I would be walking through another adoption journey. But at that point, I was rightly focused on my new beautiful daughter.
It would be another two years before my husband and I would circle back around to adoption again. Our journey to Eden was more difficult that we imagined it would be, and adding a move two states away from family and friends just months after she was born just about took all the energy and stamina we had. In all truth, by the time we brought Eden home and moved five months later, I was more depleted physically, emotionally, and physically than I ever had been. And I was not anxious to traverse the same terrain again.
But, between the Lord’s constant nudging and the reality that neither Samuel or I were getting any younger, we knew we needed to act sooner than later.
My one hope with this second adoption journey was that I would “wait better.” Constantly, I prayed for that. Constantly, I spoke with friends and prayed together with them that I would wait with less anxiety, less frustration, less emotion. And I, thankfully, did see fruit from that. But I was also caught off guard with the changes in speed and process since Eden’s adoption just two and a half years before! Cases came twice as frequently and were decided twice as quickly. It seemed like the adoption roller coaster doubled in time. That was both a blessing and a challenge.
As we rounded the corner of being active for nine months, I was beginning to feel that familiar desperate feeling. The feeling of knowing your child is “out there” but of not being able to get to him or her. The feeling of not knowing how much longer I could say yes and hope and not know if we would get a yes.
All during this time, Samuel and I were preparing for a work sponsored vacation trip to Hawaii. It was a whirlwind five day trip to a dreamy relaxing place. Samuel was super excited and ready to do something alone and fun. I kept trying to get excited, but inside I kept dreaming and praying for THE reason to have to stay home to materialize. I confess, I sported a semi-rotten attitude our whole trip because I left with my hopes in ashes. I had truly set that trip as a sort of finish line in my mind and heart.
Little did I know, though….
We flew home from Hawaii on Thursday, picked up our kids from my in-laws and drove home on Saturday, and on Monday we got the call that changed our lives. A little boy had been born Sunday night! This was our first stork drop presentation. I had secretly hoped for a girl all along. And I was wrung out from travel. I had very little hope. But then the next day, Tuesday, we got the call we were chosen. (My heart is so full of remembering!) I was gonna be the momma to a fourth little boy!
WOW! Wow! Wow. That God would count me so worthy. That He would trust me once again with a little life. I know that we “did this to ourselves.” I know that we intentionally sought out another child for our family. But, even still, the miracle of it, the enormity of it, and the sanctity of it all humbles me.
Our little Jace is now nine months old. He is a snaggle-toothed, crawling, ball of pure boy. And our entire family is completely in love with him.